1. An Irish bar in Manhattan is going to ban the song “Danny Boy” for the entire month of March. The owner of the bar says the song is just too depressing. It’s like at Obama headquarters, no one’s allowed to play that old Hall & Oates song: “She’s a maneater…”
2. A Google spokesman said yesterday that entering a military base, taking detailed photographs, and then putting them on the internet was “a mistake”. I wish I could use that excuse. “Oh honey, I didn’t think you’d mind when I put your naked pictures on the internet. I was just trying to show our bedroom.”
3. After 13 years as the richest man in the world, Bill Gates was beaten this year by Warren Buffet. That’s what happens when you start giving your money to charity! Loser! Actually, Gates was supposed to be number one, but they were doing the final numbers on the new Windows Vista system and it crashed.
4. A research center in Seattle is going to pay people $4000 to be bitten by mosquitoes with malaria. Unfortunately, the cure they expect to discover will cost $5000.
5. The German president wants a new highest medal for soldiers, but doesn’t want to bring back the Iron Cross. Iron. Other countries have gold or silver, but the Germans are very practical -- iron. The Green Party wants it to be the Aluminum Cross Made From Recycled Cans. There was also some support for a Sausage Cross, but it sounds too much like a local S&M routine.
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