1. Some fans of Paul McCartney are saying the song “Mister Bellamy” from his latest album is about his divorce from Heather Mills, because “Mister Bellamy” is an anagram for “Mills betray me”. Of course, “Paul McCartney” is an anagram for “A Pearl! C My Cunt?” (“Hey Pearl! See my cunt?”) So maybe McCartney’s parents had a neighbor named Pearl… and Paul was originally Pauline.
2. Authorities in China are cracking down on advertisers who sent more than 200 million spam messages to mobile phones there. With China’s overpopulation, they don’t want anyone getting his hands on cheap Viagra.
3. Attendance at a Buddhist temple in Japan has jumped after one of the dogs at the temple began praying like the priests. What is he praying for? Maybe for Japanese women to stop humiliating him by carrying him around in their purses. “Oh, isn’t he cute in there! Yes, he is!!”
4. The head of the International Olympic Committee said that he is engaged in “silent diplomacy” with China about human rights, because money passing under tables doesn‘t make any noise.
5. And in a surprise announcement, Chinese and Tibetan leaders have very different stories about the recent protests in Tibet. Tibetan leaders say the protests are to preserve their culture, whereas Chinese leaders say that the Dalai Lama and Western media are manipulating peaceful Tibetans with microchips implanted in their brains. Now how would we be able to do that? All our microchips are made in China.
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