1. New York Governor Eliot Spitzer paid $4,000 for one prostitute. I’m not upset about the sex part -- I’m upset that he’s obviously not a fiscal conservative! For that much money, you could hire a whole village of Thai hookers. Though of course, Spitzer didn’t want to transfer jobs overseas. He kept those jobs in America -- specifically handjobs, blowjobs, and rimjobs.
2. Spitzer didn’t admit to any allegations on Monday -- he merely said that he had failed in his obligations to his family. What, did they want hookers too?
3. Saudi Arabian women’s rights activists have put a video on the internet of a woman driving a car, since women aren‘t allowed to drive there. During the video, she stays calm, keeps her eyes on the road, and drives with both hands. That puts her ahead of about 99% of American drivers.
4. At the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, Justin Timberlake called Britney Spears a Madonna wannabe. No, at this point, she’s more like a Vincent Van Gogh wannabe.
5. Billy Crystal is going to play with the New York Yankees for one day. Man, they’re really looking for any way to beat the Red Sox, aren’t they?
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