1. Gary Gygax = 0 hit points. The creator of the role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons has died at the age of 69, which is ironic, since no Dungeons & Dragons player has ever gotten a woman to do 69.
2. The music mogul behind boy bands like ‘N Sync and the Backstreet Boys has pleaded guilty to financial fraud. No word yet on the fraud suit from people who bought his albums after being told they were actually music.
3. President Bush has now backed Senator John McCain for president. Good timing! I hear Bush is also backing the New York Giants for the last Super Bowl.
4. Senator John McCain clinched the Republican nomination for president last night. There is now absolutely positively no way for any other Republican nominees to defeat him. Mike Huckabee finally conceded, but Alan Keyes will continue to campaign. This doesn’t really change anything for him.
5. The Democratic primary continues to be a fight, with Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama still battling it out. It reminds me of a pro wrestling cage match, with McCain and President Bush in the stands throwing popcorn at them.
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