1. Two astronauts had to remove a robot arm with a crowbar this weekend. Do space shuttles normally come with crowbars? Do they have duct tape too? I wouldn’t trust a space station with a crowbar, the same way I don’t trust dentist offices with hammers.
2. Police are now searching for bodies at the old cult headquarters of Charles Manson, which is located in, this is true, Death Valley. They think there might be dead hitchhikers there. Now, if you’re a hitchhiker and a guy picks you up heading to his religious group in Death Valley, it’s a bad sign. Like getting picked up by someone in the religious right who’s heading to a meeting at a public restroom.
3. George Lucas is releasing yet another Star Wars film, because like Luke Skywalker with Darth Vader, he has detected a tiny trace of good will surviving in Star Wars fans, but he wants to beat it out of them. It’s going to be computer-animated, so Lucas doesn’t have to deal with all those messy things like actual human emotions.
4. Iranians voted this weekend in a tough contest between religious hard-liners and… military hard-liners. Or to put it another way, one side wants death to all Western infidels, but the other only wants death to most Western infidels.
5. The lawyer of the woman accused of sleeping with New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is angry about the media using suggestive photos that she says are copyrighted. But apparently, she’s not so upset about being exposed as a prostitute.
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