1. On the fifth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, President Bush said “no one would argue that this war has not come at a high cost in lives and treasure.” Treasure? Is this the 18th century? This is why he wants to keep the tax cuts - he thinks we’re just digging the money up. He’s telling his people, “I saw some cool guys on the Discovery channel that were finding shipwrecks. Maybe we can hire them.”
2. A new study says that cat owners have a far lower risk of heart attacks than people who don’t own cats. After hearing the news, the Secret Service built a suit out of five hundred cats to encase Dick Cheney (show Photoshopped picture).
3. A couple in Great Britain have turned their dead dogs’ fur into jackets. Inspired by this, America’s black community is going to have jackets made out of Bill Clinton’s former dignity.
4. One of the major complaints at Olympic buildings in China is that many of them only have squat toilets. In the traditional Chinese toilet, there’s no seat - you have to squat down. The complaints were levied by the group, Republican Congressmen for Bathroom Cruising.
5. Paul McCartney’s ex-wife Heather Mills has claimed that she helped him write songs. But considering the songs he puts out these days, maybe she should be paying him.
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