1. Jack Nicholson is starring in an internet video supporting Hillary Clinton for president. The video has already helped her pull some of the insane vote away from Ralph Nader.
2. A new study shows that people who eat breakfast are thinner than people who skip breakfast, because even though they eat more calories per day, the breakfast makes them more energetic and then they burn the calories off. Sort of like crack and Amy Winehouse.
3. Police in Great Britain sent warnings to schools after getting a fake e-mail about a drug called “strawberry meth” being given out at schools. I think the police should have figured it out when they saw the picture on the bag of “strawberry meth”. Can they tell the difference between grapes and strawberries? Maybe they should be focusing on what the police are putting in their bodies.
4. A supposed memoir by a white woman who claimed to have been raised by a black foster mother and then sold drugs has been revealed as a hoax. She said, “I was really torn. I thought it was my opportunity to put a voice to people who people don’t listen to.” And then make lots of money off them.
5. The Pope will host the first-ever summit between Catholics and Muslims. Well, the first one to not include a war council and declaration of defeat.
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