This week, a politician in Ohio, Matthew Barrett, gave a slide show at a high school and accidentally put up nude pictures of women. He claims to not know how the pictures got in his computer, but look at his photo. This is obviously a man watching a lot of naked women. He looks like he’s looking at one right now. That’s also the same expression the kids had when the pictures went up. Barrett’s computer was supposed to contain graphics on how bills become laws -- just not quite SO graphic. This incident will probably lead to new laws itself, so it was sort of a real-life lesson. Afterwards, Barrett actually said: “It took me probably a second or so to look at it and say, ‘That’s not the Power Point.’” His wife later agreed that he had trouble identifying a woman’s power point.
Doctors in Australia recently saved a man with an IV drip of pure vodka. Yes, in Australia, that’s a medical technique known as ‘breakfast’.
Two men in California were found guilty of killing an ostrich because it wounded their male pride. Yes, as opposed to going to prison for killing an ostrich. And I’m sure their fellow prisoners are going to be veeeery respectful of their male pride.
The iconic black and white poster of Che Guevara was created 40 years ago today, giving college-aged men the cheapest way to seem intellectual to women since the word “post-modern”. I still have no idea what that word means.
Senator Larry Craig has decided to stick out his term until he has exhausted all legal options. Said Craig, “I am not just trying to stall, I mean stop, the investigation. I definitely don’t stall anymore.”
In Louisiana, an 11-year-old boy and his parents were arrested after the boy led police on a car chase. The chase only paused when he stopped at Burger King to pick up his mom. Shouldn’t the mother have taken over at that point? What was the conversation like? “The cops are after me, mom.” “Drive faster.” The boy was charged with fleeing from an officer, reckless driving, speeding, passing on the shoulder, improper lane usage, and having no driver’s license. Would they really have noticed proper lane usage? “Well, you’re 11 years old, speeding, and recklessly endangering people, but you did use the lanes properly. Good boy.”
Scientists have announced the first species ever created in a lab. A previous claim was discounted when it turned out that despite the botox, Geena Davis is still technically human.
A new study shows that more people use Google than all other search engines combined. I know it’s certainly more popular than my grandfather’s method of writing a question on a computer, sealing the computer in a bottle, and then hurling it in a river.
A chemist has won the Nobel Prize for showing how particles of gas behave when they land on solid surfaces. Badly, is my guess. Gases have a hard time settling down after their wild days of floating around without a care. He also earned an extra award for getting the particles to go to bed early.
A Catholic priest in Argentina has been found guilty of helping with seven murders, 42 abductions, and 31 cases of torture, so if you think we have it bad with priests for just doing a little diddly with altar boys…
A new study says that stun guns are “safe”. Well, except for the 50,000 volts that go through your body. But as a father of two-year-olds, I can tell you that 50,000 volts is nothing.
President Bush said again today: “This government does not torture people.” His legal basis is an Alberto Gonzales memo stating that terrorists are not technically ‘people’, but simply ‘guys’. “We do torture guys. Just not people.”
The maker of the Halo video games is breaking away from Microsoft. This is the first time anyone has tried to break away from Microsoft since the clip below.
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