1. The Foreign Minister of Great Britain said that his country and Saudi Arabia could unite over their shared values. For example, they both maintain an embarrassing royal family, vacation in Spain, and have soccer teams full of players from other countries.
2. Police in South Africa say cattle rustlers are using small passenger cars to steal cattle. The police also said they give cows a “trauma debriefing”. Yes, the trauma of being returned to death row. “We were free! They were taking us to freedom!”
3. Ben Affleck was looking very young and refreshed last night. A reporter asked if he’d had botox treatment, and he said no, he’d had BoSox treatment.
4. A ship near Somalia was taken over by pirates yesterday. Officials say they’re still trying to find out what the pirates’ demands are. My money is on… well, money.
5. A company in Great Britain is going to produce black pudding ice cream. Yum, sounds tasty, until you discover that black pudding is dried pig blood. Another triumph for British cooking! From the people who brought you fried fish in a greasy newspaper, comes a dessert that tastes even more disgusting than the main course.
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