1. When the president of South Korea arrived in North Korea, he was greeted by hundreds of thousands of North Koreans waving plastic flowers. Plastic, of course, because they ate all the real ones.
2. Seventy-one percent of American men are overweight. The U.S. has apparently decided that if it can’t have the highest human population in the world, it can have the highest human volume.
3. You can now download the Bible to your cell phone. It’s being sold with the video game “Halo 3”. You can also get free texting with God, but then you have to keep buying new phones, since his messages come chiseled into the screen.
4. A bank in New Jersey named Commerce Bancorp is being bought by a Canadian bank called Toronto Dominion. I think the first sign of trouble at Commerce Bancorp should have been that they couldn’t spell the word “bank”. So watch out, Citibank. And “Toronto Dominion”. What a scary name for a bank. “Toronto will take over you all!”
5. In Italy, a Mother Superior has barricaded herself in her convent after the archbishop tried to have it closed. She says that she won’t leave until God gives her a sign. What would that sign be, I wonder? How about if some of her nuns dragged her to the ground and began clawing at her face? Because that actually happened. And how does an elderly nun barricade herself? My grandma can barely move her nightstand.
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