1. A chemist has won the Nobel Prize for showing how particles of gas behave when they land on solid surfaces. Badly, is my guess. Gases have a hard time settling down after their wild days of floating around without a care. He also earned an extra award for getting the particles to go to bed early.
2. A Mexican politician has been accused of cheating in a marathon. A marathon? Not voter fraud or killing unarmed civilians? This is a great day for Mexican politics.
3. A new study shows that more people use Google than all other search engines combined. I know it’s certainly more popular than my grandfather’s method of writing a question on a computer, sealing the computer in a bottle, and then hurling it into a river.
4. An Australian man has grafted a human ear into his arm for the sake of art. This is obviously a man who is not trying to pick up women anymore. At a certain point, you just say: “Fuck it. Put an ear on my arm.”
5. [photo] The nation of Belarus is going to develop a nuclear plant. Can we get a picture of Belarus president Lukashenko? Is he trying to look like Hitler? Is this the look you want when trying to soothe the fears of other countries?
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