10/9

1. Two men in California were found guilty of killing an ostrich because it wounded their male pride. Yes, as opposed to going to prison for killing an ostrich. And I’m sure their fellow prisoners are going to be veeeery respectful of their male pride.

2. A new study says that stun guns are “safe”. Have they asked the people who got stunned? And “safe”… except for that whole 50,000 volts that go through your body. But as a father of two-year-olds, I can tell you that 50,000 volts is nothing.

3. Celebrations of the 40th anniversary of Che Guevara’s death are now being held in poster shops across the nation. Said one poster shop owner: “Without Che, I never would have afforded my beach house.”

4. Asia is getting its own internet domain called .asia. Most of the available sites were immediately taken over by China, but only the sites from Japan actually worked. No one has been able to access the sites from North Korea. And all the customer service sites went to India.

5. In Paris, five drunk people broke into a museum and punched a hole in a painting by Monet. They saw the name “Monet” and were trying to get at all the (French accent) “money” hidden behind it.