1. A new poll shows that a third of Americans consider themselves extremely stressed. Most of them are the people who have to go around taking polls about whether people are stressed.
2. A scientist has predicted that in 100,000 years, humans will split into two different subspecies, one tall and handsome, and the other an “underclass” of squat strange-looking creatures. Sort of like the division between actors and comedians.
3. A woman in England has been arrested for disturbing her neighbors with Dolly Parton songs at extreme volumes. The woman was found not guilty though, when she turned out to be… Dolly Parton. “When I talk, people just think it’s music.”
4. There’s a new postage stamp with Yoda on it. But wouldn’t Yoda know that people use the internet these days?
5. The president of France says that commercial planting of genetically modified foods will be banned. So I guess it’s okay if you give it away.
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