1. A brewery in New Zealand is offering free beer for life for returning a stolen computer. The plan backfired though, when brewery staff went to work the next day and found all the rest of their computers stolen.
2. A new study says that twice as much carbon dioxide comes from ships than from planes. Mainly because of all the illegal immigrants stuffed into cargo holds.
3. Scientists say that stretching before exercise doesn’t make your muscles less sore afterwards. Upon hearing the news, millions of people doing yoga said: “Wait, stretching isn’t exercise?”
4. John McCain is fighting claims that he’s too old by bringing his mother on the campaign trail. However, things went badly when she described how it was hard to raise him with all the Indian attacks.
5. Atlanta, Georgia apparently has only 85 days of drinking water left. So tonight, every ounce that the audience sweats is going to be gathered and shipped south. No thanks necessary, Atlanta. We’re all in this together.
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