1. The governor of New York is thinking of giving driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants. Which means if you thought there were a lot of taxis now… Have you ever been approached by a gypsy cab? “Hey, get in the car. I’m a taxi.” “Really? So am I. Get on my back.” What? Who the hell are you? Why should I trust you? People who would never hitchhike are willing to get into these things. And they always drive these cars that look like they’re renting them from mafia hit men. “So, do you want to ride up front or in the trunk?”
2. A blue diamond sold for a record $7.98 million, which was the most ever paid for an almond.
3. Scientists now say that a bad marriage can increase the risk of heart disease. But drinking can reduce the risk of heart disease. However, drinking can also increase the risk of a bad marriage, which can increase the risk of heart disease. Fortunately, running in circles also reduces the risk of heart disease, so you’ll be okay in the end.
4. The Nobel Prize in Medicine has gone to scientists for developing a new type of gene therapy. And psychiatrists say the therapy is still going very well for Gene Simmons.
5. A new art exhibit has opened up in the Tate Gallery of London, featuring a giant crack that extends the entire length of the gallery. The crack can be viewed from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., when the plumber goes home.
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