1. Many analysts predict JPMorgan Chase Bank CEO Jamie Dimon will be the next Treasury Secretary. People close to him say that he would “love to serve his country”. Specifically as a buffet.
2. The government has recalled 2.1 million cribs for safety reasons, leaving most of the country’s hip-hop community homeless.
3. A new study says children should get dirty more often, because it strengthens their immune systems. Case in point -- you don’t see a lot of pigs getting “swine” flu.
4. The largest animal sacrifice in the world is set to take place in Nepal. It will beat the record set last year at an anthill in Los Angeles by a class of fifth-graders.
5. After a performance featuring simulated oral sex and bondage at the American Music Awards, Adam Lambert pulled off a mask to reveal that he is actually Madonna. No one expected her latest incarnation to be a young gay man. Next, she’s expected to take algae form, possibly as a species of seaweed.
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