1. Internet spammers are pretending to be involved with the new Twilight movie. Spammers can relate to Twilight, because they’re also immortal, sometimes claim to be connected to royalty, and love us unconditionally. (“I don’t care if you’re a woman – you should still be offered penis enlargement.”)
2. Police arrested several student protesters at the rural University of California, Davis, after the students refused to leave a building. However, police later realized that the students were actually a stray herd of cattle. The arrested “students” will be barbecued this weekend.
3. YouTube is going to offer subtitles. This is great, because most English movie clips on the site are dubbed in other languages.
4. YouTube is now also offering YouTube Direct, which gives the media direct access to amateur footage of news events. Thus eliminating the last justification for being called “investigative” journalism. Next month, YouTube debuts a new site called: “YouTube News Article Writer”.
5. Senator Robert Byrd is now the longest-serving congressman ever. He first joined the Senate during its plot to kill Julius Caesar.
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