11/16

1. The European fishing agency ICCAT refused to ban Atlantic bluefin tuna fishing. The European Union said the decision was the “best possible compromise” between industry and scientists. Later that day, the leaders of ICCAT all died after reaching a “compromise” with scientists over how much cyanide they could eat.

2. As President Obama visits China, some people say China should help train police in Afghanistan and other developing countries. Especially since Americans and Brits have become horribly inexperienced in the best ways to shoot unarmed protesters.

3. Giant jellyfish are becoming an increasing problem as swarms move north with global warming. I think the answer is to have jellyfish become a delicacy in Japan – then the Japanese fishing industry will decimate the population within just a few years.

4. A new study says chemicals found in many plastics can make boys more feminine. Maybe this explains the lower crime rates over the past couple decades. And chest waxing. And murses.

5. General Motors posted a $1.2 billion loss, but said it was proud of how much progress it’s made. Since hurtling downhill is still technically “progress”.