1. A new study says recommended calorie counts are too low. Yes, that’s why we’ve all been getting obese -- not enough calories. The study also says the higher recommended calories per day were still half the calories of an average appetizer at the Cheesecake Factory.
2. In Russia, three homeless people killed a man and sold part of him to a restaurant. You know, I’m almost more troubled that the restaurant was buying unidentified meat from homeless guys. The owner explained that the homeless men had always supplied him with the finest stray cat.
3. In her memoir, Sarah Palin writes that being offered the vice-presidential slot by John McCain was a “natural progression”. This helps explain her views on the environment, because I think she’s confusing “natural” with “terrifyingly artificial”. “It’s a natural progression from carrots to Cheetos, because they‘re both long and orange.”
4. A French company called off plans to hand out free cash to the public, because too many people came. Yeah, who could see that happening? This reminds me of when Miss Universe announced free blowjobs. Too many people came.
5. A woman in England says she posed as a schoolgirl on a youth website and caught her husband propositioning her. However, the woman lost some credibility when her screen name turned out to be cougarmama47.
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