Yesterday the founder of the Chili’s restaurant chain died. He apparently asked to be cremated. On a wood-fired grill. With honey-mustard sauce.
Some prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are going to be sent to Bermuda, because states like Montana say they’ll never take them. Wow, I bet the prisoners are upset about that! “What? We have to go to Bermuda instead of Montana?! Oh, the hell of it all!”
Did you hear about this Saudi princess who owes a Paris store $100,000 for lingerie? Yeah, good to know that whole Muslim fundamentalism thing is working out. Why would a Saudi woman even wear lingerie? Her husband’s just having sex with the maid.
Protesters in Iran are using Twitter to coordinate their marches. Unfortunately, the marches haven’t been very effective, since they only have 140 protesters or fewer.
Starting today, all TV has to be broadcast digitally. Because before, broadcasters didn’t use their fingers.
Do you know that you can now get a virtual colonoscopy, instead of having an actual camera inserted up your ass? The odd part is that the doctor still has to wear latex gloves.
The Molson brewing company just announced that its retirees will no longer receive free beer. And in similar news, retired Wall Street executives will no longer get fresh hundred-dollar bills for cleaning their shoes. The beer thing is especially cruel, because now the retirees have to live in Canada sober.
The theme park company Six Flags is filing for bankruptcy. The news was particularly bad for those people currently on the first hill of Nitro.
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