1. Some prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are going to be sent to Bermuda, because states like Montana say they’ll never take them. Wow, I bet the prisoners are upset about that! “What? We have to go to Bermuda instead of Montana?! Oh, the hell of it all!”
2. Starting today, all TV has to be broadcast digitally. Because before, broadcasters didn’t use their fingers.
3. The movie “The Taking of Pelham 123” comes out this weekend. It stars John Travolta as a subway driver who hijacks a train because some idiot wouldn’t stand clear of the closing doors. “All right! That’s it! If you people won’t stand clear of the goddamn doors, I’m hijacking this train!”
4. Did you hear about this Saudi princess who owes a Paris store $100,000 for lingerie? Yeah, good to know that whole Muslim fundamentalism thing is working out. Why would a Saudi woman even wear lingerie? Her husband’s just having sex with the maid.
5. A new study says that humans can’t actually tell if dogs feel guilty. Dogs will look guilty if you yell at them, but before that, there‘s no way to tell. The same also holds true for executives needing government bailouts. They only look guilty after you start yelling at them, so you can't really tell.
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