1. A new study says that some plants fake being sick in order to keep insects from eating them. Yeah, that’s also how I escaped some muggers a couple weeks ago. [cough] “Sorry, swine flu.”
2. Nestle has recalled all of its raw cookie-dough, because apparently the most recent batch cancels out the effects of weed. Is it ironic that so much unbaked food is eaten by people who are baked?
3. Hillary Clinton broke her elbow yesterday. It apparently happened during a press conference with Joe Biden, when she had to keep jabbing him in the ribs.
4. The clothing retailer Eddie Bauer filed for bankruptcy today, causing grief among thousands of middle-aged hipsters with bad spelling who thought it was Eddie Vedder. Luckily, being an outdoor equipment company, Eddie Bauer’s prepared for being homeless.
5. The airline Alitalia has left Sicily out of its in-flight maps. This is the biggest such omission since American Airlines left Minnesota out of a map of the United States. It took three weeks to spot the error, however, because Minnesota is very easy-going, and didn’t really mind.
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