1. Did you hear about this guy in New York who died in his van, and police just kept putting parking tickets on it? You know, the New York police say that they perform with “Courtesy, Professionalism, Respect”, which is abbreviated as CPR, but apparently sometimes they don’t perform actual CPR.
2. General Motors tried to sell the Hummer brand to a Chinese company, but the Chinese government says that Hummers use too much gas. That’s how you know a vehicle is bad for the environment -- when the Chinese say that it causes too much pollution.
3. In hockey news, Pittsburgh and Detroit are going to meet in the Stanley Cup final, also known as “Feel Good for Once About Living in Pittsburgh and Detroit Week”. Until next week, when one of them will have even one more thing to feel bad about. You know, Detroit is called Motor City. But these days, that’s like saying Williamsburg is a gritty Puerto Rican neighborhood. Yeah, maybe if you translate Puerto Rico literally as “Rich Port”. Of course, California has a grizzly bear on its flag, even though it shot its last grizzly bear a 100 years ago. It’s like California’s telling the world: “Hey, come to California! We’ll kill you too.”
4. The company Palm is making a smartphone that is being called the “iPhone killer”. Which is also the name of a guy who beats people over the head with iPhones.
5. Scientists have finally discovered how blood clots form, which will help in the fight against vampires.
No comments:
Post a Comment