1. Did you hear about these two American reporters sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in North Korea? Although there, that just means for 12 years they have to live... in North Korea.
2. Did you hear about this government coup over the weekend? In a secret backroom deal, the opposition party got a member of the ruling party to put them in power, in exchange for making him the leader. So to keep the opposition from taking over, the ruling party has literally locked them out of the building. They won’t give them the keys! Man, where is that happening? Bolivia?! Um, no, it’s the New York State Senate. This is true. You know, people get lulled into a false sense of security because the federal government is pretty competent, but on the state level, it’s banana republic time.
3. Melissa Gilbert, the former child star of “Little House on the Prairie”, has, shockingly, written a memoir describing her life as a child star to be a little wild. She says Michael Landon drank on the set, and that explains why she picked men who smelled like alcohol. Really? You know, doctors smell like alcohol too. Also, Michael Landon dressed like a farmer, but I don’t see you dating many of them.
4. The main soccer field in the nation of Swaziland has been destroyed, because teams keep sneaking in during the night and cutting or burning magic charms into it. Yeah, that’s why they also keep having to replace the floorboards at L.A. Clippers games.
5. A bear cub got its head stuck in a bird feeder over the weekend. Normally, a bear cub wouldn’t go after bird food, but in this economy, everyone is downsizing.
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