1. The Supreme Court has decided that it’s illegal to strip-search a 13-year-old girl. Clarence Thomas was the only justice who disagreed, because he thinks the decision might hurt his own hiring process.
2. The Indian army plans to put chili powder in grenades instead of explosives. And, this is true, it’s the same powder the army puts in its food. Now I don’t know what would be scarier if I was a soldier -- having the army tell me it was going to arm me with ketchup grenades, or discovering that the ketchup I’ve been eating can be used as a weapon.
3. In Australia, crop circles are being blamed on kangaroos who eat opium poppies. I can believe that. It’s like I was baffled by sugar circles in my kitchen until I found out ants got in my weed.
4. A recent internet video shows a church pastor trying to exorcise a homosexuality “demon” from a young boy’s belly. That’s better than my old church, which tried to exorcise homosexuality from young boys a little lower down than the belly. The pastor later claimed: “We have nothing against homosexuals. I just don’t agree with their lifestyle.” Really? Then exorcism is kind of overdoing it, don’t you think? What’s it like to hang out with you? “You know, I respectfully disagree -- beer with dinner is better than wine. COME OUT DEMON!!!”
5. Newspapers have called on Governor Sanford of South Carolina to resign after his bizarre disappearance and affair. However, some newspapers said they might change their minds if Sanford can hook them up with some hot Argentine women too.
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