The crew of a Delta flight to Minneapolis overshot the airport by 150 miles and didn’t answer ground control the entire time. Officials believe the crew fell asleep, but they insist they were just having a “heated discussion”. Maybe about who would set the alarm clock.
A man in Virginia was arrested for being naked in his own kitchen, after being seen by a woman walking by with her 7-year-old son at 5:30 a.m. First, could I get them to arrest my roommate too? And second, how about arresting the woman for going around looking at naked guys with her kid? What do you expect to see at 5:30 a.m. if you’re staring into people’s houses? You’re lucky you weren’t looking in my window, because you might not want to eat fish anymore.
New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is currently far ahead in election polls, on track to spend $140 million of his own money on his campaign. Voters are enthusiastic for his plan to revitalize the city’s economy by taking its 20 wealthiest people and having them all run for mayor.
There were widespread internet rumors last night that Kanye West died in a car accident, but it turned out to be a hoax. Which taught me a lesson – until it’s confirmed, don’t order the cake and party hats.
Today, President Obama called small businesses the “engine” of the U.S. economy. It was encouraging news for many of today’s small businesses, such as General Motors, Citibank, and AIG.
Researchers have now filmed eagles hunting reindeer in Finland. They feel this might finally solve the mystery of why eagles never get presents from Santa.
Coca Cola saw profits rise, thanks to increasing sales in Third World countries. Said a Coke spokesperson: “These people still have such low rates of diabetes – there’s so much room to grow!”
A new poll shows that most Americans think that Iran wants nuclear weapons. However most Americans also can’t find Iran on a map. Which means that Iran’s pretty safe if it fires nuclear missiles at us, because we won’t know where to aim when firing back.
Brazil has vowed to crack down on drug gangs in Rio de Janeiro before the 2016 Olympics. There were some protests, however, because this means the athletes will have to bring all their own drugs.
A new report says using the internet might help keep older people from getting dementia. It’s sort of like mental Red Bull – it keeps you going, but you lose all ability to have an in-depth conversation.
An Argentine opera singer has been arrested after an argument about her loud voice in a restaurant. Apparently when she got the bill, the manager included all the glasses she broke.
Microsoft stock soared today, and a spokesperson said: “We are very pleased… by the strong consumer demand for Windows.” That’s like farmers saying they’re pleased with the strong consumer demand for food. Most of us don’t have much of a choice.
The government will force Wall Street firms that received bailout money to restrict the pay of their top executives. Wall Street said this will lead the best and brightest to work elsewhere. All right, so that’s the upside, but is there a downside?
The government just arrested around 300 members of a Mexican drug cartel known as La Familia. Glenn Beck immediately denounced the move as yet another attempt to nationalize a family-run industry.
An 848-mile-long golf course is set to open in Australia. On one of the holes, this is true, golfers have complained about balls being stolen by dingoes. Which is why no one is allowed to play the course with babies.
Scientists have discovered a giant web-spinning spider in Africa that was thought to be extinct. There is some dispute about whether to name it Nephila Talibanus or Nephila Vaccineconspiracytheorius.
Justin Timberlake has filed a restraining order against a female stalker. But really, he should be partly blamed for giving psychotic women ideas with the song “Dick in a Box”.
According to the local sheriff, the Balloon Boy family was putting on a hoax. But I think the sheriff is part of the hoax and this whole thing is a reality TV series. That “sheriff” is obviously sitcom veteran Howard Hesseman:
No comments:
Post a Comment