1. A Colorado newspaper is hiring a marijuana reporter and has received more than 100 applications. Unfortunately, the newspaper said anybody who takes the effort to send a resume obviously doesn’t have the expertise it’s looking for.
2. The government will force Wall Street firms that received bailout money to restrict the pay of their top executives. The firms said this will lead the best and brightest to work elsewhere. All right, so that’s the upside, but is there a downside?
3. A new study found that the fossil known as Ida is not a missing link for humans. Although the fossil shares many traits with monkeys and apes, this is merely an example of “convergent evolution”. Similar to how rainbows have been adopted by Jesse Jackson, gay rights activists, and leprechauns.
4. The government just arrested around 300 members of a Mexican drug cartel known as La Familia. Glenn Beck immediately denounced the move as yet another attempt to nationalize a family-run industry.
5. An 848-mile-long golf course is set to open in Australia. On one of the holes, this is true, golfers have complained about balls being stolen by dingoes. Which is why no one is allowed to play the course with babies.
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