1. The FBI is using face-recognition software to analyze driver’s license photos for fugitives. So now you have even more reason to look good for your license. This explains why the FBI interviewed me three times this year about different serial killers.
2. A 6-year-old Cub Scout in Delaware was ordered to go to reform school after he brought his Swiss Army knife to lunch. However, if I understand correctly, at reform school, kids have to wear uniforms, do a lot of physical exercise outdoors, and learn team-building skills – which pretty much sounds like the Cub Scouts.
3. New airport scanners in Britain can view people’s bodies under their clothes. Airport security said the images are “not pornographic”. Oh please. Salt shakers and fan belts can be pornographic. If you’re seeing a naked body – it’s pornographic. Especially if the scanners are installed in Germany.
4. Scientists have now discovered a rare vegetarian spider. Teenage fly girls around the world are already swooning over the spider’s love affair with one of their own, their story told in the book “Fly-light”.
5. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson want to stop Rush Limbaugh from buying an NFL team, because that’s certainly not going to feed anger against the left wing. How are you going to stop someone whose name can be divided into “Rush” “Limb” and “Augh!”? He was born for this.
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