1. A woman in Philadelphia has been arrested for offering sex in exchange for World Series tickets. “Hey,” she said, “it can be the City of Sisterly Love too.” And she’s married. What makes me think this was his idea? A local radio station then gave her free tickets (true) – after a VIP tour of the station.
2. A man in Somalia who says that he’s 112 years old has just gotten married to a 17-year-old girl. He said: “Today, God helped me realize my dream.” Because apparently, God doesn’t answer the prayers of 17-year-old girls.
3. The government of Kenya is going to conduct a census of its gay population. However, this effort might be hampered by the fact that in Kanya, being homosexual is AGAINST THE LAW. After this, the government wants to do a census of car thieves.
4. Astronomers have found the most distant object ever detected – a gamma ray burst from a star 13.1 billion light years away. This broke the record for “most distant object” previously held by health care reform.
5. Verizon and Motorola have launched their answer to the iPhone, called the Droid, which is expected to spark the largest nerd joke epidemic in history. Across the nation, nerds will flood into stores, stand in front of the phones, wave their hands slowly in front of people’s faces and intone: “These aren’t the Droids you’re looking for.”
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