1. Did you hear that the Phillies baseball team strong-armed a 12-year-old girl to give them a historic home-run baseball? Apparently, the Phillie Phanatic threatened to give her ear the worst wet-willie in history.
2. A new report says that one out of four people in the world is Muslim. So statistically speaking, there’s a 25% chance that Glenn Beck is Muslim, which would explain so much.
3. Some scientists now say highly attractive female birds only pick highly attractive males. This is why female birds never costar on sitcoms.
4. A new survey says that “whatever” is the most annoying word in America. Anyway…
5. Recent reports say Vermont has the best healthcare in the country. Yeah, they need good healthcare to deal with all those Ben & Jerry’s employees.
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