1. Guy Laliberte, the billionaire circus entrepreneur, has returned to Earth after 10 days in space. It was the Guinness record for longest hang time after being shot from a cannon.
2. Kanye West didn’t attend the BET Hip Hop Awards tonight, because his insurance company wouldn’t cover it. “Too much chance of him getting a beat-down.”
3. The movie “Where the Wild Things Are” is coming out next week. It’s based on a children’s book about my shower curtain.
4. A liquor store in Detroit apparently allowed people to trade food stamps for alcohol and Viagra. Well, you can’t trade them for a car, so what else is there to buy in Detroit?
5. President Obama today vowed again to end the ban on gays in the military. Someday. Hopefully while he’s actually president. He also reaffirmed that he will end murder and bring back the dinosaurs.
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