1. Military scientists have developed a paint that can absorb and decontaminate chemical weapons. Man, I need to get some of that paint for my roommate’s bathroom.
2. After pressure from feminists, President Obama finally played golf with a woman today. How did he do against her? Yet another case of Obama maintaining “don’t ask, don’t tell”.
3. Hwang Woo-suk, the South Korean geneticist who became a national hero for creating the first clone of a dog, has been found guilty of embezzling funds. The judge informed him that there was no such thing as “cloning money”.
4. The U.S. has banned a senior Kenyan official from entering the country. Right-wing Republicans were excited until realizing that it wasn’t President Obama.
5. A new study says it’s a myth that women have different heart attack symptoms from men. The only real difference is they just don’t complain about them as much.
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