1. The cable network TLC is suing Jon Gosselin for appearing on other TV networks. Said a spokesperson: “By law, TLC is the only network allowed to exploit this family’s terrible situation.”
2. A church in North Carolina is going to publicly roast Satanic Bibles on Halloween. Tickets to the event quickly sold out when it was learned that by “Satanic Bible”, the church actually meant “chicken”.
3. A bus driver in Illinois was suspended for wearing a pink tie to promote breast cancer research. However, it makes more sense when you find out the tie was shaped like a clitoris. Said a supervisor: “Now a nipple – that would have been okay.”
4. A survey of Russians found only a bare majority believe their country needs democracy. But I think they should try it first.
5. For the first time ever, chicken wings are more expensive than breasts. Adam Lippin, owner of the restaurant Atomic Wings, said (true): “It’s at a really scary kind of place.” A scarier place than a restaurant called Atomic Wings?
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