1. Did you see when “Slumdog Millionaire” won Best Picture last night at the Oscars? There were more people on stage than in the audience. And folks wonder if India has a problem with overpopulation. The people who escort winners off the stage had no idea what to do. “We haven’t been trained in crowd control. We need megaphones or horses.”
2. Bianca Jagger is being sued by a man who found her lost ring and wants a reward. However, Jagger says that the guy took too long to return the ring. I think she might just have a lingering thing about guys returning rings. Plus, the guy’s name is actually Ringler. I think his family has been doing this for a long time.
3. Coca Cola has agreed to sponsor the city of Venice in Italy. Coca Cola will now fill the city’s famous canals, though people are worried that replacing all that polluted seawater with Coca Cola might be more damaging to the buildings. Plus, the gondolas on the canals will be renamed Gondo-colas.
4. Last week, stocks plummeted because investors were worried that the government might nationalize banks. Today, bank shares were up on news that the government… might nationalize the banks. Brokers explained that by “nationalization”, they thought at first that everyone at the bank would have to change their name to Nash.
5. How did you think Hugh Jackman did as host of the Oscars? I guess they were tired of us comedians trying to keep order. We are total losers. Better to go with Wolverine. That’ll keep people in line.
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