1. The cover model for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue this year is going to be an Israeli. And because of Israel’s mandatory military training, she’ll be only the second cover model to know how to use an Uzi submachine gun. The first was, of course, Tyra Banks.
2. Today, the heads of several major U.S. banks went before Congress to explain why their spending of bailout money on corporate jets and bonuses was completely justified. However, it was hard to hear them over the constant yells from the audience of: “Burn them!”
3. Eight of the people who smoked marijuana with Michael Phelps have been arrested for drug possession. By the way, this is was the University of South Carolina, which is going to see a lot of youngsters wanting to go there now! “Well, I was thinking of joining the military, but I wanted more invasion of privacy.”
4. Michelle Obama is going to be on the cover of Vogue magazine. Good, now Barack Obama will have something else to talk with French President Nicolas Sarkozy about. They’re both got cover models for wives. Wow, I’ve got to get into this whole “president” thing. Screw being a rock star!
5. A new study says that taking big financial risks might be genetic. Yeah, so with things going the way they are now, the grandkids of Wall Street bankers will be taking huge risks at the off-track betting parlor with the change they get in their Dunkin Donuts coffee cup.
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