BEST OF THE WEEK

The city of Amsterdam is going to buy several brothels and turn them into houses. Those might be tough to sell. “This house is perfect for a growing family. It not only has a kitchen and living room, but also 18 bedrooms.”

California apparently gave away 50,000 lunch boxes to promote nutrition, but now say they may be contaminated with lead. Yes, the California Department of Health -- outsourcing your child’s health to China since 1994. When governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was told, he said that children should listen to a variety of music. His aides then clarified that it wasn’t that type of ‘heavy metal’.

Fidel Castro made his first TV appearance in three months in order to stop rumors that he’s dying. However, the rumors continue, because at one point in the interview he yelled: “Brains! Must eat brains!!!”

In New Zealand, people are being asked to help write laws through a website similar to Wikipedia. So far, the new suggestions have included non-aggressive policing methods and a 524-page description of Star Trek.

The Olympic torch will not pass through Taiwan, because Taiwan and China couldn’t resolve some basic differences. You see, Taiwan wanted the torch to go along a route that highlighted the culture of the island, whereas China wanted the torch to be rammed directly up Taiwan’s ass.

Heavy exercise may cause miscarriages in pregnant women. One suggested way to make sure pregnant women can’t exercise hard is to have them smoke three packs a day.

The movie “Resident Evil” debuted at number one this weekend. It’s the third installment of the series about sinister college-dorm leaders.

A resort hotel in England was banned from using a logo showing a topless nun. It wasn’t so much that the logo was religiously offensive, but that the nun was 87 years old.

Rwanda has earned a prize for “most-improved nation” in Africa and Mauritius has earned the prize for “best governed”. However, it’s not so surprising considering the first is recovering from genocide and the second isn’t even in Africa.

A former missile base in Washington state is for sale. The owner says that it would make an ideal summer camp. Yes, if you have any discipline problems, just remind the kids that Russian missiles are still aimed at their beds.

The Starbucks in China’s Forbidden City has been replaced with a café selling more traditional Chinese drinks. So instead of a shot of espresso, your coffee now comes with a shot to the back of the head.

A company has developed software that tracks people’s conversations over internet phones and then sends ads based on key words. The Bush administration is thrilled that wiretapping can actually earn money.

Catholicism is becoming increasingly popular in China, because the country’s one-child-per-family laws have made it difficult for pedophiles to find children through traditional means.

China has issued new rules for local reality shows. The most difficult one is that all contestants must be ‘mature’, since this immediately disqualifies anyone even applying to be on a reality show.