1. Japan’s top sumo wrestler fled to his native Mongolia after becoming depressed over a suspension. I think you’d be more depressed if you weren’t a top sumo wrestler. Because if you’re top, you’re a god, but if you’re not, you’re just a reeeeeally fat guy.
2. O.J. Simpson has been released on bail. However he’s thinking about fleeing, because he heard that the judge might be John Kerry.
3. Premade bagged salad is being recalled over fears that it might have E. Coli bacteria. But you know, there’s always a risk of bacteria when you toss a salad.
4. The Pope refused to see Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. When you meet with the Pope, it’s said that you receive an audience with him, and the Bush Administration likes to control the audience.
5. A family in New York is trying to live for a year without having any impact on the environment. No fridge, no washing machine, no subway, and no guns.
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