9/21

1. The president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has requested to visit Ground Zero, but the request was turned down. An Iranian spokesman said Ahmadinejad hoped he could find another way to honor 9/11 victims. How about not trying to build a nuclear bomb? I think that would cover it.

2. The government has 132 million flu shots available this year, and there is also a nasal-spray vaccine called FluMist. Now why would anyone choose the shot? “Well, we could jab you with this huge needle… or you could just breath this refreshing aroma.” And for the real masochists, there’s the “John Kerry”, where they give you the vaccine with a cattle prod.

3. There’s a controversy in Romania about whether a castle where Count Dracula stayed one night should be sold to an American. I tell you, foreigners are just sucking the blood out of that country.

4. The American high-tech stock exchange Nasdaq is going to buy the Scandinavian stock exchange. Not for any good economic reason, but the owners thought that “Nasdaq” would make a great Viking battle cry. “Nasdaq!!!!”

5. For the first time in 31 years, a Canadian dollar is worth the same as an American dollar. The Loonies are running the asylum.