1. Police in Israel have arrested a gang of Israeli neo-Nazis. Yeah, the members are male, between the ages of 16-21, and ALL APPARENTLY FAILED MATH! There are eight of them. Israel has 5.4 million Jews. I think they’re just a tad outnumbered. And I bet they’re going to get a realllly nice reception in Israeli prison. “Could you bend over and pick up my yarmulke?”
2. In Great Britain, immigrants will soon have to prove that they can speak English. Soccer players, however, will be exempt, because otherwise David Beckham wouldn’t pass the test.
3. The leaders at the Asian Pacific Economic Conference have reached a deal on climate change that, lucky for them, doesn’t contain any actual commitments. The Australian prime minister John Howard said that it was a very important milestone towards imaginary environmental protection.
4. Researchers claim that rabies could be wiped out within a decade. Immediate protests came from the makers of cartoon shaving cream. “How else will cartoon dogs be able to frighten their owners in a matter of seconds?”
5. An official in China has been accused of corruption by eleven former mistresses. Eleven! The People’s Daily newspaper said: “Pang did not expect that he would be brought down by his own 11 mistresses.” Well, who expects that? Even in mistresses we’re falling behind the world.
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