12/19

1. Today, after finally securing the 60th vote for healthcare reform from Senator Ben Nelson, Washington DC had its largest ever one-day snowjob, I mean, snowfall. Nelson demanded on principle that no federal money be used for abortions. He also demanded extra money for his state. In the Nelson Amendment, it’s known as the Blagojevich Clause. Also, in order to appease Hollywood Democrats, the bill dropped a tax on cosmetic surgery. But the victory was short-lived, because a new tax was added for tanning salons.

2. A new report says the Postal Service spent $792,022 on unauthorized gourmet meals. But you know, they always have good food at wakes.

3. A man in Washington DC pulled a gun during a snowball fight. Although in his defense, I might have too.

4. 3D movies will soon be available in people’s homes. As opposed to the people watching them, who are steadily becoming more two-dimensional.

5. The U.N. called the Copenhagen climate control deal a good “first step”. Philosophers were thrilled, because after Bali, Kyoto, Rio, etc., etc., it’s yet another example for Zeno’s Paradoxes.