1. A female weightlifter gave birth during training, because she didn’t know she was pregnant. However, she was thrilled, because it immediately dropped her to a lower weight class. She was having nausea in the morning, but assumed it was just a side effect of steroids.
2. Tiger Woods’s wife is moving out of their house. Which means one thing: Holiday bachelor pad! And by “bachelor pad”, I use the normal definition – masturbation and internet porn.
3. Senator Chuck Schumer called a flight attendant a bitch after she asked him to turn off his cell phone. Surrounding passengers were also upset, because it meant that Schumer was more likely to talk to them.
4. Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke is Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. Time called the Fed the most “powerful, secret, least understood” force in the economy. Well, except for Cash4Gold.
5. The government is suing Intel over unfair business practices. The computer-maker Gateway said that Intel beat them “into guacamole”. However, Intel said that was only to make Gateway tastier for its chips.
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