1. A new study says that Prozac and other anti-depressants only help people who are “severely depressed”. A group which now includes all the people who paid god-knows how much money for useless Prozac over the years. Which means that the Prozac will probably work for them.
2. Three thousand villagers in India have attended a wedding for two monkeys. It was the first wedding where the “groom” took his name quite so literally.
3. Senator Obama is accusing the Clinton campaign of spreading pictures of him wearing African clothes during a visit there. In response, the Obama campaign released photos of Clinton during her visit to the Pacific island of Papua New Guinea. (Show doctored photo of Clinton wearing one of the island’s penis gourds.) It’s just what they wear.
4. The credit card company Visa will offer shares for the first time. Millions of potential stockholders have already received letters saying they have been pre-approved.
5. The price of high-protein spring wheat rose by almost 25% on Monday. Fortunately for fans of Twinkies, prices are still low for no-protein twenty-year-old zombie wheat.
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