1. The government is going to build a “virtual fence” along the border, using 100-foot-tall surveillance towers and radar. The system is similar to the one used by the Clintons to keep reporters away from Chelsea.
2. Lindsay Lohan is going to pose for photos that replicate moments in Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. After Marilyn Monroe, Lohan says she likes recreating the dead.
3. Vendors who have provided services to the Clinton campaign are starting to worry that they won’t get paid. Hotels, delis, escort services, massage parlors, tear-proof mascara makers. They’re all feeling the bite.
4. A B-2 stealth bomber has just crashed in Guam. Quick recap - these things coast $1.2 billion dollars apiece. Apparently, this particular bomber was code-named the “Clinton”.
5. Computer experts have discovered that secret information can be taken from computer chips by simply freezing them. Sort of like all the beer bottles you left out for recycling in a snowstorm.
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