1. The sequel to the TV movie “High School Musical” just broke ratings records, so Disney now plans a full line of movies with extremely literal titles, such as “Big Football Game”, “Moving to Arizona”, and “The Priest Touched Me”.
2. Snow is going to leave the White House. Not Tony Snow, the spokesman, but just snow in general. Dick Cheney has cancelled Christmas.
3. A 5,000-year-old piece of chewing gum has been discovered by archaeology students. It’s apparently slightly softer and tastier than the gum used by baseball card companies.
4. Archaeologists said the gum was used for chewing and glue. Around America, little kids getting punished for eating paste are saying: “See! It’s genetic! I’m only human!”
5. Real-estate tycoon Leona Helmsley died yesterday. She famously said “only the little people pay taxes.” Looks like God finally collected.
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