1. In India, a six-year-old boy amazed the world by running marathons. But his coach has been arrested and charged with mistreating him. I don’t know about the rest of the evidence, but I think the main tip-off should have been that HE WAS MAKING A SIX-YEAR-OLD BOY RUN MARATHONS!
2. Karl Rove resigned today. Later, President Bush was heard wandering through the Oval Office singing “If I Only Had a Brain”.
3. A kidnapped Australian man was released in the African country of Mali. He went there to marry a woman who promised him $86,000. He now says that his main regret was choosing that woman over the one from Nigeria promising him $5,000,000.
4. Chief of Staff Josh Bolten told White House aides that if they didn’t resign before Labor Day, they would have to stay until the end of Bush’s term, because Labor Day is traditionally the day when the Bush staff gets together and does some actual work.
5. Karl Rove said today that he will resign from the White House in order to spend more time with his family. Specifically, the Gambinos.
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