1. Cell phone maker Nokia is recalling 46 million batteries because they overheat. The only place they won’t be recalling them is China, where Nokia dealers were heard saying: “Overheating? Pussies! Call us when the batteries destroy your liver and make you sterile for life.”
2. In Karl Rove’s resignation speech, he said that he was honored to be a witness to history, because he was there when Bush invented the new version.
3. President Bush said “I would call Karl Rove a dear friend. Well, I would call him that if I didn’t love calling him Turd Blossom so much.”
4. A mayor in Italy is offering to pay people in his town to lose weight, but to change habits like that, you have to go deeper. For example, he probably shouldn’t be paying them in McDonald’s gift certificates.
5. Toymaker Mattel is once again recalling millions of toys made in China. That means they’re just remembering that they made them. “Oh yeah, all those dangerous toys. I recall them, that’s when we had those huge profits by outsourcing to sketchy Chinese companies.”
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