1. The following is all true: A top candidate for prime minister of Australia came to New York recently and went to a strip club. He was then asked to leave the strip club for bad behavior. And his excuse is that he had so much to drink that he can’t remember what he did. To put this is perspective, this is like Hillary Clinton speaking at a college graduation, going to a frat party and doing topless body shots, having college security kick her out for streaking, and when confronted by the press, saying, “Look, I was so wasted, I could have made out with Monica Lewinsky.”
2. However, it gets better. This might give the guy a BETTER chance of becoming prime minister. Especially since a previous prime minister was the world record-holder for fastest beer chugger. Visa applications for moving to Australia are available…
3. Film fans have voted Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen the ‘least plausible’ on-screen couple. The result was invalid, though, because voters never got to see campaign videos of Mitt Romney and his wife.
4. Yesterday in Orlando, police were giving sneakers or $50, no questions asked, in exchange for guns. And someone turned in a rocket launcher. When asked where he got it, he said he found it in a shed. And this is true, the police basically said, “Yeah, that sounds good. Here are your sneakers.”
5. Tropical Storm Erin will hit Florida tomorrow, causing many flights to be delayed. However, I think flights should be delayed because people ARE FINDING ROCKET LAUNCHERS IN SHEDS!
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