In Ireland, a man stole 36,000 pints of Guinness beer. But although that’s a lot of Guinness, it was apparently not the world record. Police later caught the man visiting the world’s largest urinal.
In Houston, four police officers are suing because they were demoted for having beards. The officers claim to have a skin condition that makes them unable to shave. Yeah, I have that problem too -- it’s called not hitting puberty yet.
Priests in Cyprus are praying for divine intervention to stop a drought. But isn’t the drought divine intervention? God seems to be intervening to kill you off. What do you think is going to change that?
Pakistan’s President Musharraf has now given up his army uniform. This was considered a crucial moment in Pakistani politics, since the president had not taken off his clothes in five years. The uniform has been officially classified by the United Nations as a chemical weapon, and Pakistan risked sanctions if Musharraf didn’t send it to the laundry.
Hugo Chavez urged Venezuelans to strike a blow against dictatorship and corruption by… voting to let him be president for life.
The new Australian prime minister was kicked out of a New York City strip club a few months ago for unruly behavior (true). Now he’s chosen a former rock star to be part of his cabinet. I hear the next cabinet position is going to Charlie Sheen.
McDonald’s is going into the business of gourmet coffee drinks. So now when you spill hot coffee and sue the company, you’ll also be trying to get back the twenty bucks you spent on it. McDonald’s coffee was found to be better than Starbucks in Consumer Reports magazine. Consumer Reports also lets you know which carburetor to buy. Maybe they confused the coffee with motor oil.
More riots in Paris yesterday, continuing France’s policy of “Anything America Can Do, We Can Do Better!” Yeah, we’ll show you Yankees how to have an inner city riot!
Norman Mailer was recently awarded a prize for the worst description of sex in a work of fiction, narrowly beating out “The Collected Love Letters of Dick Cheney”. Cheney’s work won a special prize, however, for the most disturbing.
Murders in New York City are on track to be the lowest-ever since they started keeping track. Either that, or people are getting way better at hiding the bodies.
A lot of people are blaming mathematicians at financial firms for the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Apparently, the mathematicians were unable to understand that if Freddy has zero apple trees, and you loan him 100,000 apples, he probably can’t pay you back.
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