1. The new Australian prime minister was kicked out of a New York City strip club a few months ago for unruly behavior (true). Now he’s chosen a former rock star to be part of his cabinet. I hear the next cabinet position is going to Charlie Sheen.
2. McDonald’s is going into the business of gourmet coffee drinks. So now when you spill hot coffee and sue the company, you’ll also be trying to get back the twenty bucks you spent on it. McDonald’s coffee was found to be better than Starbucks in Consumer Reports magazine. Consumer Reports also lets you know which carburetor to buy. Maybe they confused the coffee with motor oil.
3. The Republican candidates held a debate with questions from YouTube last night. First up was Edna Ferger from Duluth, Minnesota, who asked why the hell kids were spending all their time on the internet.
4. The stagehand union on Broadway has ended its strike. So for all you people who had to miss Legally Blonde and sadly compensated by coming to my show instead -- sorry. A day late and a dollar short.
5. China refused to allow US Navy ships to dock in Hong Kong for Thanksgiving. I think they might be taking a lesson from Native Americans. Sure, you’re having a big friendly meal with us now, but just wait a few years.
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