1. The ball dropping in Times Square on New Year’s Eve is now eco-friendly. Apparently it uses the same energy as 10 toasters. And another light display in Manhattan uses the same energy as three toasters. Which makes me wonder, when did toasters become the slackers of the appliance world? Maybe that’s why my toast always comes out burned. The poor little guy’s just trying to prove himself to me.
2. An essay used by a six-year-old girl to win Hannah Montana tickets has been exposed as fake. The essay apparently began: “I am a single mother of four.”
3. In New Hampshire, Senator John McCain has swept the voting -- of newspaper editors. Of course, newspapers want to sell copies more than anything else, so if they got to decide the president, they’d probably go with Michael Jackson.
4. A mysterious giant container washed up in a bay in England, causing rampant speculation until it was then discovered to be a beer tank. They figured it out when the schools of fish in the bay began forming fraternities.
5. Russia was worried that if it sent some paintings to Britain, the descendents of the original owners might try to claim them. Then it remembered: “Oh yeah, these guys invented stolen artwork at the British Museum! They’re not going to do anything.”
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